Screamer
by Gnome1
Summary: Rory and Tristan are best friends. Tristan is at Military School, and Rory is unsure of her feelings towards him
1. Screamer

This is a Trory on the song 'Screamer' by Good Charlotte.   
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls or Good Charlotte or 'Screamer'  
  
----------------------------------------------  
  
Communication is a lot like the wind  
  
When I speak  
  
It's like no one understands,   
  
And I'm left with empty hands  
  
Forever, I can't speak  
  
---------------------------------------  
  
They'd been friends for so long, best friends, actually. Which was why she couldn't understand the reason he hadn't come to her, but he'd gone to Duncan and Bowman. He knew that he could have gone to her. She would have listened. She always had. His Grandfather had died. His parents did love him, she knew they did, they just didn't know how to show it. His Grandfather showed it the way that his parents couldn't.   
  
Since he had left almost six months before, they hadn't spoken. Neither had been brave enough to call or write. They had practically severed all ties with each other. She wasn't mad. Just hurt. And she knew that he was too nervous to take the first step. They had been friends since eighth grade when she had moved there, almost three years. But they were still to nervous of what the other would think  
  
----------------------------------------  
  
So many things I'll never learn  
  
You can't cross bridges that you've burned  
  
Why is life such an issue in your mind  
  
Why are the answers to my problems hard to find  
  
------------------------------------------------------------  
  
So many nights she'd cried herself to sleep. All she wanted was him back in her life. It was weird, how you could always care for a person, but never know how much you love them and need them until they're gone. She had always loved Tristan, but hadn't realized that it was more than platonic until he left. Sometimes she wanted to just scream and ask why he had left her. Why had he had chosen Duncan and Bowman over her? She still had pictures of him all over her room. He haunted her dreams and she knew she needed him. She knew that if she didn't have some kind of contact with him she would break under the pressure of a life without him.  
  
-------------------------------------------  
  
Don't forget to buckle when you fall  
  
Beneath the pressure of the seconds when,  
  
Your life became a screamer  
  
Staring at the sea things become so small  
  
I want movies of my dreams  
  
And pictures on my wall  
  
Pictures on my wall  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
She told people that she had moved on, that he didn't matter anymore. People thought that he was her past, not knowing that she was still very much in need of him. She had only told Lane, her best friend next to Tristan, that she still hoped that he would come to her door one day. Rory had asked for her opinion on how possible that was and Lane had said that, honestly, it was only a dream. She said there was really no way that Tristan was coming back and Rory was dreaming. Rory knew that she had asked for an honest opinion, but that upset her. After Lane had left that night Rory was home alone and she had gone into her room, turned of the lights and finally, she screamed.  
  
---------------------------------  
  
You say that I'm a dreamer   
  
I say you're a non-believer  
  
Take out the light  
  
Take out the light start screamin'  
  
I'm dreaming, I'm a dreamer  
  
No one believes me,  
  
And you don't either  
  
-----------------------------  
  
Rory woke up in the middle of the night and decided that what she couldn't say out loud she would have to write down. Lorelai was at a conference for the weekend, so she was alone. Walking slowly to her desk, she turned on the lamp, cringing from the bright light that illuminated the pitch black room.   
  
Pulling out a pen and a piece of paper, she balled her hands into fists, trying to stop the shaking. Deciding to start writing before she lost her nerve, she put pen to paper and wrote what she felt,  
  
Tristan,  
  
Hey, I guess you're wondering why I'm writing to you considering we haven't spoken in six months. But for that entire time I've been wanting to know how you've been. So before you throw this away because you are still mad at me, please read it.   
  
I just want you to know that I'm not mad at you. I'm hurt that you left me but not mad. We were best friends and I guess that I always just thought of you as that, my best friend. You were always the strong one and by the time I realized that you needed a shoulder to cry on, it was too late. And I hope that you can forgive me for that.   
  
When at first I didn't hear from you I wanted to cut all ties with you. I was upset that you didn't write or call, but recently I've realized that I am as much to blame for the lack of communication as you are. I was scared to write you before, not sure of my feelings, but now I realize that I have to some how try to tell you what I've realized. And that is that I care for you as more than my best friend. I know it's cliché, but I didn't realize how much you really mean to me until you were gone. You are my rock through everything and no one can compare to you in my heart, which belongs to you.   
  
The way I look at it, our romance was like a seed. We didn't kill it, because it never started. If you never plant a seed, you aren't killing a tree, you just aren't giving it a chance, but you didn't kill it. If you plant it and nourish it, then it can grow into a huge tree. The planted seed of our relationship could have turned into love. Don't laugh at me because I couldn't find another way to word it other than that. If you don't feel the same way as me then don't worry about it and you can throw away the letter and never think of me again. But I just had to tell you before I broke, living in a fake world that feels like hell without you. If you feel the same as I do then please call or write.   
  
Forever Yours,   
  
  
  
Mary   
  
She pulled an envelope out of her desk and wrote his name and room number over the address to the Military School. Folding the letter, she slipped it into the envelope and sealed it. Standing up, she ran out of the door and holding the letter tightly in her hand she set off to the Stars Hollow Post Office. She loved the feeling of the cool midnight air hitting her skin and blowing her dark hair behind her.   
  
She ran to the drop box in the post office wall, and as she reached it she stopped, realizing what she was about to do. She wasn't sure how long she stood there, staring at the thin slot, Tristan, her sworn Best Friend, the one who had always been there for her, she was admitting that she didn't want him as only a friend. What if he didn't feel the same way? Could she handle that kind of rejection? She decided that she couldn't handle never seeing if he felt the same and, taking all her remaining energy, she slipped the truth about her feelings into the slot.  
  
----------------------------------   
  
So tell me what to do  
  
Take out the light  
  
Take out the light  
  
Take out the light start screamin'  
  
----------------------------------------  
  
A/N: So what do you think? Should I keep it a one-parter or add more chapters? Review and tell me your opinion! 


	2. There Is

A/N: Hey peoples, here is the second chapter to my fic! yay.   
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, Starship, Box Car Racer, or There Is. *grumble*   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
This vacation's useless  
  
These white pills aren't kind  
  
I've given a lot of thought   
  
On this 13 hour drive  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Tristan laid on his bed, his gaze shifting from the ceiling to the phone on the side table. This was something he would frequently do. He mentally banged his head on the head board. WHY had he not gone to her? This was a question he asked himself everyday, he screwed up, not only by breaking into the safe, but also by not going to the one person who truly understood him. Rory Gilmore. His best friend since eighth grade. Instead he went to Duncan and Bowman.   
  
He shook himself mentally as one of his room mates, Jae walked in, "Hey, Dugrey."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh, you thinking about that chick, Rory?"  
  
"Jae, I'm really not in the mood."  
  
"Ok, whatever, man. You got a letter."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yeah, you know, a letter. Like a piece of paper with writing on it, in an envelope and sealed. With your name on the front."  
  
"Shut up. I know what a letter is." He held his hand out and Jae dropped it into his opened palm. "Thanks."  
  
"No problem," he said, walking out of the room. Tristan waited until the door closed to look at the return address, it said 'Mary' at the top. His heart started beating faster and he opened it slowly.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I missed the grinding concrete   
  
Where we sat past 8 or 9  
  
And slowly finished laughing  
  
In the glow of our headlights  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He sped through her letter one time and then read it over and over slowly. She could have loved him? She could have loved him! She felt the same way as he did. A smile crossed his face. 'No one can compare to you in my heart, which belongs to you'. His heart swelled.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I've given a lot of thought  
  
To the nights we used to have  
  
The days have come and gone  
  
Our lives went but so fast  
  
I faintly remember breathing  
  
On your bedroom floor  
  
Where I laid and told you  
  
But you sweared you loved me more  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
'If you feel the same as I do then please call or write', If he felt the same? IF he felt the same! He had wanted to hear Rory say those words since eighth grade! Of course he felt the same! He stopped, what would he say to her? What could he say to tell her how sorry he was? What would make her forgive him? Wait, she wasn't mad at him! He looked back down at the paper in his hand, 'I just want you to know that I'm not mad at you. I'm hurt that you left me but not mad'. She was hurt that he'd left her, not that he'd left or that he'd ignored her for a week before he broke into the safe, but hurt that he left HER. He had to call now. But what would he say?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Do you care if I don't know what to say  
  
Will you sleep tonight or will you think of me  
  
Will I shake this off pretend it's all okay  
  
That there's someone out there who feels just like me  
  
There Is  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
He walked to his desk and pulled out a shoe box. He went back to his bed and took everything out, ticket stubs from movies and concerts, letters, a Starship CD, notes, and some books. Ticket stubs of places he and Rory had gone, letters she had written him in school when she was bored, some of her books he had borrowed, and the CD she had insisted he listen to because Starship was 'One of the Best Rock Groups Ever'. This was the box that held all his memories of Rory.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Those notes you wrote me I've kept them all  
  
I've given a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall  
  
With every single letter in every single word   
  
There will be a hidden message   
  
About a boy that loves a girl  
  
Do you care if I don't know what to say  
  
Will you sleep tonight or will you think of me  
  
Will I shake this off pretend it's all okay  
  
That there's someone out there that feels just like me  
  
There is  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He jumped up, grabbing the phone and dialing the familiar number. It rang four times and he hung up quickly. He didn't know what to say to her! He would just sit there in silence and make a fool of himself if he called her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Do you care if I don't know what to say  
  
Will you sleep tonight or will you think if me  
  
Will I shake this off pretend it's all okay  
  
That there's someone out there who feels just like me  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, calming himself, 'Come on Tristan, don't be a whimp, just call her!' he shouted at himself. Taking a steadying breath, he opened his eyes and dialed her number again. One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Four rings. Five rings. Six-.  
  
"Hello?" asked a breathless voice.  
  
"Rory."  
  
"Tristan?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Do you care if I don't know what to say  
  
Will you sleep tonight or will you think of me  
  
Will I shake this off pretend it's all okay  
  
That there's someone out there who feels just like me  
  
There is  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: My first ever cliff hanger!   
  
'And there was much rejoicing. Yaaaaaaaay.' He he, Monty Python moment. Me and my brother should stop quoting that movie in public. It makes people stare.   
  
Later darlings! Don't forget to review! 


	3. Best of Me

A/N: Hello darlings! I'm back. *cackle, cackle* Shankya to everyone who reviewed. They were............ *dramatic pause* ............. inspiring.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Best of Me, by The Starting Line or Dueling Dragons  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Tristan?"  
  
"Hey."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Tell me what you thought about   
  
When you were gone  
  
And so alone   
  
The worst is over  
  
You can have the best of me  
  
We got older but we're still young  
  
We never grew out of this feeling   
  
That we won't give up  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"How've you been?"  
  
"Good, you?"  
  
"Um, good, I guess."  
  
"Sure, I bet you lie awake at night, thinking of me. And when you can sleep, you wake up in the middle of the night, screaming my name, 'Tristan, Tristan!', don't you?"  
  
Her angelic laughter drifted through his head. "Oh, all the time, but it's usually, 'Tristan, Tristan, get the hell out of my head, you annoying snitzelfritz!'"  
  
"Snitzelfritz?"  
  
"Yes, do you have a problem with it mister?"  
  
"Nope, but what's a snitzelfritz?"  
  
"You."  
  
"Ah, I see."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Here we lay again on two separate beds  
  
A pictures drawn from memory  
  
We reflect on miscommunications  
  
And misunderstandings  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"So you were never mad at me?"  
  
"Of course not, well maybe a little upset at first, but not really mad."  
  
"Good, I'm glad."  
  
"Me too."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
We turn our music down  
  
And we whisper  
  
Say what you're thinking right now  
  
Tell me what you thought about   
  
When you were gone  
  
And so alone  
  
The worst is over  
  
You can have the best of me  
  
We got older but we're still young  
  
We never grew out of this feeling   
  
That we won't give up  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Did you really mean it?"  
  
"Mean what?"  
  
"What you said in the letter, about how you could have loved me."  
  
"Yes." She whispered breathlessly, "Did you call because you feel the same?"  
  
"Rory, I've always felt that way about you."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"You couldn't tell?"  
  
"I never really thought that you would, I mean, you're popular and experienced, I'm not."  
  
"That was why I felt like that, Mary."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Jumping to conclusions  
  
Made me fall away from you  
  
I'm so glad that this truth  
  
Has brought back together me and you  
  
We're sitting on the ground  
  
And we whisper   
  
Say what you're thinking out loud  
  
Tell me what you thought about  
  
When you were gone and so alone  
  
The worst is over  
  
You can have the best of me  
  
We got older but we're still young  
  
We never grew out of this feeling  
  
That we won't give up  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Because I'm innocent?"  
  
"It's one of the things that drew me to you."  
  
"But Summer wasn't exactly innocent, and you liked her."  
  
"Rory, have you ever looked at Summer?  
  
"Yes, every time the two of you made out on my locker."  
  
"Sorry about that."  
  
"All is forgotten."  
  
"Thanks, anyway, there is a physical resemblance between you and Summer."  
  
"There is?"  
  
"That's why I asked her out."  
  
"Oh, I see."  
  
"How long have you felt like what you wrote in the letter?"  
  
"Since ninth grade, but I didn't realize it until you left. What about you?"  
  
"Eighth grade."  
  
"That long?"  
  
"Yes, you were my best friend. No one meant as much to me as you did."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"You mean so much to me Tristan, I don't know how I got through six months without you."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
We turn our music down   
  
And we whisper  
  
We're sitting on the ground  
  
And we whisper  
  
We turn our music down  
  
We're sitting on the ground  
  
The next time I'm in town  
  
We will kiss girl  
  
We will kiss girl  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I don't understand how you got through six months without me, either." The sound of her laughing again made his heart swell, "Well, Ror, I have to go, it's lights out in ten minuets."  
  
"Okay." She sounded disappointed.  
  
"But I'll call you tomorrow."  
  
She brightened, "Okay, so I'll talk to you later?"  
  
"Definitely."  
  
"K, bye."  
  
"Night, Mary." He hung up.   
  
Rory heard the line go dead. She smiled, holding the phone to her chest, and walked to her room. She pulled out a box of pictures and shifted through them. Smiling, she took out a huge stack with pictures of Tristan and herself. Looking at them, memories flooded back to her.   
  
*The two of them in front of a roller coaster in ninth grade-  
  
"Man Rory, do we have to ride in the front row?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"But to get in the front row, the wait in line will be like, an hour."  
  
"More quality time with your best friend."  
  
He groaned as she pulled him in line for the first row, "Trust me, Dueling Dragons is worth the wait."  
  
"Yeah, maybe on Fire, not Ice."  
  
"Sweetie, we're in the line for Fire."  
  
"Lies."  
  
"Tristan is going insane."  
  
"Am not."  
  
"Are too."  
  
"Am not."  
  
"Are too." And they argued about it until they got on the ride.  
  
*A picture of them in eighth grade, about a month after she got there, a pool party at his house with them looking at each other happily-  
  
She walked out, wearing a yellow swimsuit, and Tristan whistled, "Shutup."  
  
"I'm serious, where have you been hiding Gilmore?"  
  
"Tristan, you're embarrassing yourself."  
  
"I do it all the time."  
  
"That's not something I would admit so openly."  
  
He picked her up in one sweeping movement, "Ready to go for a swim Mary?"  
  
Her eyes narrowed, "You wouldn't."  
  
"Wouldn't I?" He walked to the edge of the pool, "Ready?"  
  
"I'll hurt you severely if you do." She was completely oblivious to the fact that a dozen girls were glaring at her because she always got so much attention from Tristan, the way he was cradling her so gently.  
  
"Hold your breath." He stepped over the edge, causing both of them to go completely under. When he came back up for air, he didn't see her, "Mary, Mary?" he called. Suddenly he was pulled under by the ankles. When he stopped moving, he was level with Rory, who smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. He came up, pulling her with him. "I knew you couldn't resist touching me."  
  
"No, actually, I just wanted you to pull me up."  
  
"And why couldn't you pull yourself up?"  
  
"Too much work."  
  
"Right Mary, keep telling yourself that."  
  
"I will."  
  
*A picture of them talking to Henry, the week before Tristan's grandfather died, he had his arms wrapped around her from behind, his jaw resting on her shoulder, tenth grade-  
  
Rory was walking to her bus stop when someone wrapped their arms around her from behind, "Hey sexy." someone whispered in her ear. She shivered slightly, but laughed.   
  
"Hey Tris."  
  
"No fair, you knew it was me." Henry walked up,   
  
"Hey guys."  
  
"Hey Henry."  
  
"Hey man."  
  
"So, when are you two finally going to get together?"  
  
Rory laughed and Tristan rolled his eyes, "Never."  
  
"What ever you say, but I have a pool going with Peterson and Stephens, so if you two ever do get together, Tris, could you do it over the intercom during the moment of silence in the morning? Cause if you do, then I get fifty bucks from each of them."  
  
"Sure, why not?"  
  
"Thanks man, I owe you." They all three laughed, "Well, I'll see you two love birds tomorrow."  
  
"Later."  
  
"Bye." After he walked away, Rory turned around in Tristan's arms, "He's a crackhead."  
  
"Seriously."   
  
"Oh, and look, I missed the bus, great!"  
  
"Mary, Mary, Mary, I can give you a ride."  
  
"Aw, thanks Tris, how can I ever repay you?" She asked sarcastically.  
  
"Well, actually, I can think of a few ways........" He trailed off.  
  
"Oooh, dirty."  
  
"Always." She laughed as he led her to his car.  
  
Rory smiled down at the pictures, and now he was back in her life. She fell asleep curled up in one of his hoodies she had taken. With memories of him playing through her mind.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Tell me what you thought about   
  
When you were gone  
  
And so alone  
  
The worst is over   
  
You can have the best of me  
  
We got older but we're still young  
  
We never grew out of this feeling  
  
That we won't  
  
Feeling that we can't  
  
We're not ready to give up  
  
We got older but we're still young  
  
We never grew out of this feeling   
  
That we won't give up  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: Number three, review and tell me what you think! 


	4. Not Enough

A/N: Hello darlings, have you missed me? I don't own Gilmore Girls, Our Lady Peace, or 'Not Enough'   
  
  
  
The next day Tristan and Jae were walking back from their classes when one of the secretaries approached them, "Tristan Dugrey?", she asked.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"The headmaster would like to see you." He looked at her strangely. "Your father is on the phone."   
  
"Ok." He handed his books to Jae, "I'll see you in a minuet." He said nervously. His father hadn't been in contact with him since he came here, why was he calling now?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
There's nothing you can say  
  
Nothing you can do  
  
There's nothing in between  
  
You know the truth  
  
Nothing left to face  
  
There's nothing left to lose  
  
Nothing takes your place  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As Tristan walked slowly to the office he thought to himself, he'd never been enough for his father. His older brother, Aaron had been perfect at everything. He always had the perfect friends, healthy relationships with his girlfriends, straight A's. And what did Tristan do? He'd befriended the new girl from a small town with no money, then he'd hung out with the two town idiots, had a new 'girlfriend' every week that never got to meet the family, and not so amazing grades.   
  
Now Aaron was at Princeton, and his little brother definitely wasn't going there. All he had ever wanted from his father was his approval. His love. Rory had told him countless times that his father loved him, but he had never listened. He could never compare to perfect Aaron, he couldn't prove himself to his father.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
When they say   
  
You're not that strong  
  
You're not that weak  
  
It's not your fault  
  
And when you climb   
  
Up to your hill  
  
Up to your place  
  
I hope your well  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The door was opened and he walked in. The secretary, who was at her desk, handed the phone to him. "Hello?"  
  
"Son," came the cold voice of his father, "How've you been?"  
  
"Fine, I guess."  
  
"Good, good. Well, I'll get right to the point. No use for meaningless conversation. I've been checking your grades for the last few weeks and you are doing surprisingly well." He paused and waited for his son to say something. When Tristan was silent he continued, "Good attendance, high grades, you've kept out of trouble, and been respectful to teachers."  
  
"And this surprises you father?"  
  
"Actually yes, it does." Tristan clenched his teeth in anger. "Anyway, your mother and I have decided that you have improved at an alarming rate and you can come back to Hartford on Friday. You will start back at Chilton on Monday."  
  
Tristan sat there for a second, processing his father's words. Home? Hatrford? Chilton? Rory. What day was it? Wednesday. "I'm coming home in two days?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Just like that?"  
  
"Just like that."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
There's nothing left to prove  
  
There's nothing I won't do  
  
There's nothing like the pain  
  
I feel for you  
  
Nothing left to hide  
  
Nothing left to fear  
  
I am always here  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Tristan, I know we've never really shown it, but your mother and I do love you very much. And we are proud of you. You have become a very fine young man. And we believe that when you get back, we will see that you have become a very responsible young man."   
  
His whole life, all Tristan had wanted was to hear his father say that. Say he loved him and was proud of him. He would have done anything to hear his father say it growing up. And now that he heard it, he wondered if his father was telling the truth.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
When they say  
  
You're not that strong  
  
You're not that weak  
  
It's not your fault  
  
And when you climb   
  
Up to your hill  
  
Up to your place  
  
I hope you're well  
  
What you want  
  
What you lost   
  
What you had   
  
What is gone is over  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
His whole life he wanted that but now it didn't matter. He'd waited way too long to say that for his son to care. Ten years ago, he would have killed to hear that. Eight years ago, he would have treasured the memory. Five years ago, he would have loved it. Three years ago, it would have made his day. One year ago, he would have accepted it. Six months ago, he would have listened. But not now. It was too late for his father to win his affection. He'd always been there but his father had never seen him. The elder had completely lost the attention he once had every ounce of from his younger son. What was once real love and affection was now complete indifference. The father had screwed himself in the love and respect department. He felt nothing towards his father now. Arthur Dugrey had missed his chance long ago.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
What you got  
  
What you love  
  
What you need  
  
What you have is real  
  
It's not enough  
  
It's not enough  
  
It's not enough  
  
It's not enough, I'm sorry   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Okay, I'm sure you will, thank you for letting me come home, I appreciate the second chance, dad." he said coldly.  
  
"Oh, and Tristan,"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"There is one condition for you to stay in Hartford."  
  
Tristan sat for a second in silence, wondering what it could be, "What is that?"  
  
"You have to stay away from Rory Gilmore."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
When people say  
  
You're not that strong  
  
You're not that weak  
  
It's not your fault  
  
And when you climb  
  
Up to your hill  
  
Up to your place  
  
I hope you're well  
  
It's not enough  
  
No  
  
It's not enough  
  
It's not enough  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update. My friend has been over all week and I didn't have time to work on this because I really had to think about this chapter. It was really hard to find a song for this one. Sorry for the lack of Trory, but I needed this chapter to establish Tristan's relationship with his father. Review and I'll try to get the next chapter up sooner. Later darlings! 


	5. Here Without You

A/N: I am having writers block on my other story 'Get Over It' and I'm not sure how long it will be until I update it again. I could be inspired within the next few hour or days or whatever. I'm not sure b/c I'm new at writing and I've never gotten writers block before. Also, if you haven't read my other story, 'I Hate Everything About You' then could you read that and review? I'm not sure if I should continue it or not. I liked the idea, but I guess no one else did. Also I put up another story called 'How the Other Half Lives' please read and review that.   
  
I don't own Gilmore Girls, Three Doors Down, or their song 'Here Without You'.  
  
Tristan held the phone a foot away from his ear, staring at it. Had he heard right? Stay away from Rory? He didn't know if he was capable of that. The blond boy put the phone back to his ear cautiously, "Stay away from Rory Gilmore?"  
  
"Yes. She is bad for your image, Tristan. She lives in a small town and she doesn't have money. You know that."  
  
"She and her mother do fine." He said in a quiet voice, trying to keep the anger out of it.  
  
"Another thing, her mother chose to run when she had a child at sixteen, neither a smart choice."  
  
The teenager didn't trust himself to speak to his father on the subject of Rory and Lorelai Gilmore. "So then, I'll see you in two days?"  
  
Arthur noticed the change of subject but chose to bite his tongue, "Yes, I look forward to seeing you." although he didn't sound like it.  
  
"You too." He said quickly, not wanting to have to speak to this man any longer.  
  
"Goodbye, son."  
  
"Bye." The line went dead and Tristan closed his eyes tightly, as if he could clear his mind of the awful image of his father and the sound of the man's voice. The phone slammed on to the holder loud and hard, causing the secretary to jump slightly.  
  
"Is there a problem, Mister Dugrey?"  
  
"No." He turned and walked out of the office slowly, thinking about the conversation he'd just had.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------  
  
A hundred days have made me older  
  
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face  
  
A thousand lies have made me colder  
  
And I don't think I can look at this the same  
  
----------------------------------------------------------  
  
Why? That was his question. And how? How did his father always know the one thing to take away that would ruin everything? And why did he want to make Tristan's life miserable? He was only seventeen. Barely seventeen, his birthday had been two weeks ago. What could he have possibly done wrong in only seventeen years to make his own father do this to him?  
  
----------------------------------------------------------  
  
All the miles that separate  
  
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face  
  
I'm here without you baby  
  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Tristan entered his room to see Jae laying on his bed, headphones blaring. But when the boy saw his stressed room mate walk in, the headphones came off. Hey, Dugrey, what's wrong?"  
  
Tristan shook his head and laughed bitterly, "I'm going back 'home' on Friday."  
  
"That's good, right?"  
  
"Oh, but see, there's a condition," his bitter smile twisted slightly, "For me to stay in Hartford, I have to stay away from Rory Gilmore!"  
  
"Gilmore, Gilmore," Jae said quietly to himself, trying to recall where he'd heard the name. When he remembered, his jaw dropped slightly, "Oh."  
  
"Yeah, see, she lives in a small town and she's not rich, so apparently, she's lower than me." Tristan's voice was filled with hatred, "God, I hate that bastard!"  
  
Jae stared at his friend, he'd heard a lot about Rory Gilmore, or Mary as Tristan commonly called her. Thoughts of her had been the only thing keeping his friend sane the past few months. And when the letter had come, Tristan was glowing. Now the spark was gone.   
  
"Um, hey, Jae, could you, you know?" he motioned towards the door, "I'm gonna call her."  
  
"Oh, yeah, of course." He left, wishing the blond good luck.  
  
-------------------------------------------------  
  
I think about you baby and   
  
I dream about you all the time  
  
I'm here without you baby  
  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
  
And tonight, there's only you and me   
  
-------------------------------------------------  
  
Tristan dialed the familiar number and closed his eyes, breathing out slowly before putting the phone to his ear. It rang several times before he heard Lorelai's voice. "Um, is Rory there?" he asked, this voice pitch changing as he spoke.  
  
"Yeah, hang on Tris."   
  
A few seconds later he heard Rory. His Rory. She belonged to him, him and no one else. She was his by right. They belonged together. "Hello?"  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Hey! What's wrong?" She could tell in his voice that something was wrong.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Tristan."  
  
"Mary."  
  
"I'm serious. You sound really upset. Please tell me what's wrong."  
  
"You don't want to know."  
  
"I'll be the judge of that."  
  
"Rory, really, you don't want to know."  
  
"Okay Tristan, you called me Rory. You seriously need to tell me now. Or I'll go insane with worry."  
  
"You really want me to tell you?"  
  
"Yes, really."  
  
"I'm coming back to Hartford on Friday."  
  
"Oh my God! Are you serious? This is awesome Tris! Why would I not want to know?"  
  
"Well, there is a condition for me to stay there."  
  
All of her excitement died at the tone of his voice and she asked nervously, "Condition?"  
  
"Yeah, one condition."  
  
"Well, one condition can't be that hard to follow, can it?"  
  
"Yes, I don't know if I can do it."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I have to stay away from someone."  
  
"Duncan and Bowman? That's okay because Duncan is in Flordia with his grandparents until he graduates and Bowman went to-"  
  
He cut her off, "No Rory, it isn't Duncan or Bownam."  
  
"Then who is it?"  
  
"You."  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
The miles just keep rollin'  
  
As the people leave their way to say hello  
  
I've heard this life is overrated  
  
But I hope that it gets better as we go  
  
----------------------------------------------  
  
"Me?"  
  
"You."  
  
"Why me?"  
  
"Ask my father, he's the jackass."  
  
------------------------------------------------  
  
I'm here without you baby  
  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
  
I think about you baby  
  
And I dream about you all the time  
  
----------------------------------------------------   
  
"Well then I guess we should say goodbye?"  
  
"What!?"  
  
"Well, we can't be together."  
  
"Rory, I've loved you since eighth grade, I'm not about to let my 'father' keep us apart."  
  
"Tristan, we don't have a choice!"  
  
"I will not stay away from you!"  
  
"And I will not be the reason you stay at Military School until you graduate!"  
  
---------------------------------------------------  
  
I'm here without you baby  
  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
  
And tonight girl, there's only you and me  
  
---------------------------------------------------  
  
"Well, Mary, we have to think of something because like I said before, I'm not staying away from you."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Why what?"  
  
"Why would you risk staying in Hartford just to be with me?"  
  
"You're the only reason I want to come back!"  
  
She sat in silence, unable to comprehend the fact the she meant so much to him, "Please don't say that."  
  
He could tell she was crying from the sound of her voice, "What? Why?"  
  
"Tristan, we can't be together, no matter what we feel, please don't tell me that I'm the only reason you want to come back." She whispered.  
  
Tristan felt his own eyes tearing, "So what, you want me to lie and say I want to come back to be with my old 'friends'? You want me to lie and say that I live for something besides you?"  
  
"Tristan, stop please!" She was crying harder now. "I can't take this, I need you. But this, us not being together now, knowing that we could have been before, it kills me more that it did when you left!"  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
Everything I know, and everywhere I go  
  
It gets hard but it won't take away my love  
  
And when the last one falls,   
  
When it's all said and done  
  
It gets hard but it won't take away my love  
  
--------------------------------------------------------  
  
"I can't stop Rory! The fact that you would have said yes if I'd asked you out has haunted me for six months! You've haunted me for six months! And I can't take it! I'm here without you and it kills me! Rory, I've never needed anything or anyone, but I need you and I can't just pretend like I don't!"  
  
Her voice was calmer, but still upset, "Neither can I."  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
I'm here without you baby  
  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
  
I think about you baby and  
  
I dream about you all the time  
  
----------------------------------------------  
  
"What?"  
  
"Neither can I. I can't pretend like I don't need you either. I've always been independent. I've never needed anyone to help me. But I do need you, Tristan Dugrey."  
  
"What are you saying?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
A/N: Chapter number 5. Review and tell me if you loved it, liked it, it was okay, didn't like it, or flat out hated it. But just review! 


	6. I'd Rather Be In Love

A/N: I don't own Gilmore Girls, Michelle Branch, or 'I'd Rather Be in Love'  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I cannot help it  
  
I couldn't stop it if I tried  
  
The same old heartbeat fills the  
  
Emptiness I feel inside  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Rory pushed the door opened upon getting home on Friday. She closed her eyes and inhaled the comforting scent of coffee. She was the only one home, so there wasn't actually any coffee made, but the house always had that aroma. Her bag fell to the floor and she dragged herself to her room and laid on the bed. All day the topic of conversation had been Tristan. Everyone knew the king was returning home, but only she knew how soon. Some people had walked on eggshells around Rory, most had acted normal, a couple asked her how he was, considering they were best friends, and a few, Summer and Francie mainly, had thrown it in her face, thinking that she hadn't known. It surprised her that some had asked how he was, everyone knew about the huge blow out they'd had before he left.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
And I've heard that you can't fight love,  
  
So I won't complain  
  
'Cause why would I stop the fire that   
  
Keeps me going on?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
But none knew the truth. Not one person other than Rory and Tristan knew what had been said in the conversation on Wednesday. She'd told Lorelai, Paris, and Lane the cliff notes version, not revealing the confession she'd made. No body knew that she'd finally admitted to loving her best friend. She hadn't told anyone he was coming home either, so she guessed that the Dugreys had told someone, who told their son or daughter, who then proceeded to tell the entire Chilton student body. Only Rory had been told by Tristan, he didn't want everyone to know, but they did none the less.  
  
And why did his parents hate her so much? She'd met them on numerous occasions and they'd always been completely civil and polite, she would even venture to say that Mrs. Dugrey had been sweet to her. But none of that mattered now. Both apparently thought she was 'below' their son. Rory closed her eyes and her emotion wracked body drifted off to sleep, wondering what she had done wrong.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
'Cause when there's you, I feel whole  
  
And there's no better feeling in the world  
  
But without you I'm alone  
  
And I'd rather be in love with you  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Rory's head snapped up at the sound of knuckles on the front door. She glanced at the clock and cursed, seven thirty, she hadn't meant to fall asleep. Her tired mind slowly began to work. Seven thirty? Lorelai wouldn't be home for two and a half hours, besides her mother had a key, who would come over at seven thirty? There was another knock and she pushed herself out of bed. Walking down the hall slowly, the girl kept asking herself who it could be. Most people in Stars Hollow would have just walked right in after knocking only once, so who could be there now? She turned the knob and a shiver ran down her spine. The door creaked open, revealing the boy behind it. Her breath caught in her throat and she nearly fainted, he was the last person she would have expected to show up at her door.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Turn out the lights now  
  
To see is to believe  
  
I just want you near me  
  
I just want you here with me  
  
And I'd give up everything for you  
  
It's the least that I could do  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"What are you doing here?" her mind was going in overdrive, but her body screamed at her for talking and not jumping him.  
  
"I came to see you."  
  
"Tristan."   
  
"Rory."  
  
"Go home."  
  
"Um, no."  
  
"Why do you do this?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You do things you shouldn't just to show you can."  
  
"No, I didn't come here to show that I can. I came here to see you because I had to."  
  
"No, you didn't."  
  
"Um, yeah, I did Rory."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You don't want to see me?"  
  
"I didn't say that."  
  
"Then why do you want me to leave?"  
  
"Do you want to go back to North Carolina?"  
  
"Hell no."  
  
"That's why."  
  
"Well, if North Carolina is the price I have to pay to be with you, then yes, I do."  
  
"Don't say that."  
  
"It's the truth."  
  
"No it's not, it can't be."  
  
"You're the only reason I even wanted to come back."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Tristan, we've already had this conversation. We can't be together, no matter what we think or how we feel."  
  
"Yes, we can. You're just scared of what will happen if we are."   
  
"Yeah, I am. I'm scared that you'll get shipped off to North Carolina and I'll never see you again. Yeah Tristan, that scares the hell out of me!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
'Cause when there's you I feel whole,   
  
And there's no better feeling in the world  
  
But without you I'm alone  
  
And I'd rather be in love with you  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
He didn't respond, but reached out his hand to touch her cheek. She jerked her head back, afraid that if they touched she wouldn't be able to pull back. He retracted his hand, hurt. They stared at each other for a moment before he reached out again. She didn't pull away this time and he felt her soft skin beneath his palm. He cupped her cheek gently and Rory's eyes closed, she rested her head in his hand. One of her small hands came to his wrist, while the other went to the back of his hand.   
  
Tristan brought Rory closer to him and wrapped his other arm around her waist, looking up into her eyes before hid gaze fell to her lips. He leaned down, his lips meeting hers gently. She froze for a split second before he ran his tongue over her bottom lip. She opened her mouth and she felt his tongue against hers. Rory's hands released his and she clutched the front of his shirt tightly. Tristan deepened the kiss and Rory willingly surrendered. Until she came crashing to reality.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
And I feel you holding me  
  
Why are we afraid to be in love?  
  
To be loved  
  
I can't explain it  
  
I know it's tough to be loved  
  
And I feel you holding me  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She pulled away and stepped back. Tristan stared at her in surprise, why had she done that? Rory closed her eyes, unable to stare at the hurt look on his face. "Did I do something?"  
  
"No, Tristan, you didn't it's just, I. I mean, we can't do this."  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"This. Me and you. When we know that we can't be together."  
  
"We're together now."  
  
"That's not what I mean. Tristan, we can't be together or else you're going back to military school."  
  
"Yeah, I know, and I don't care."  
  
"You have to care."  
  
"Rory, I can't just stay away from you, you know that."  
  
"Yes you can, see?" she took a step back.  
  
He took a step forward, "Rory, I'm telling you, You're like an addiction. At first you seem harmless, but after someone's had the first taste, they're hooked, and I am."  
  
"People break addictions, though." she kept backing away.  
  
He kept coming forward, "I don't want to break this one." her back hit the wall. "I like it." he put his hands against the wall on either side of her.   
  
She ducked under hit outstretched arm and moved a few feet away, "I think we should stay at least a yard away from each other."  
  
"No."  
  
"Tristan, come on."  
  
"Rory, do you honestly want me to stay away?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You do?"  
  
"No."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Oh, oh  
  
And when there's you, I feel whole  
  
And there's no better feeling in the world  
  
But without you I'm alone  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"So, you don't want me to stay away and I don't want to stay away, what can we do?"  
  
"Nothing, that's what I've been trying to tell you."  
  
"I think we can do something."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Well, on the plane over I was thinking, and I got an idea."  
  
"Dear Lord, save us."  
  
"That's cold."  
  
"Sorry, but I can't recall one time one of your 'ideas' ended without us either in detention or having our parents called."  
  
"Well this one is a good idea, not like the others."  
  
"Do tell."  
  
"First I need you to tell me something Mary."  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Can you act?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Shit."  
  
"I can lie, but I can't act."  
  
He looked up at her, "I guess that will work."  
  
Tristan left half an hour later, after telling Rory his plan. She didn't like it, the idea of Tristan acting like the 'player' he used to be, but she didn't really have a choice. Other than of course not being with him, but that wasn't even an option.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
And I'd rather be in love  
  
Yes, I'd rather be in love  
  
Oh, I'd rather be in love with you  
  
And I feel you holding me, oh  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: Sorry this took so long, I'll try to get the next chapter up sooner. And reviews will motivate me. Later darlings, review. Muah. 


	7. Beautiful Disaster

"You know, I tried to forget about you." Tristan whispered into the phone. It was one thirty in the morning, they'd been talking for the past hour, but had fallen into silence.  
  
"I know," she whispered back, "So did I. But I'm glad you didn't."  
  
"Me too."  
  
Rory laid her head back, closing her eyes, "I don't want tomorrow to happen."  
  
Tristan sighed, "Neither do I."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He drowns in his dreams  
  
An exquisite extreme I know  
  
He's as dumb as he seems  
  
And more heaven than a heart could hold  
  
And if I try to save him   
  
My whole world could cave in  
  
It just ain't right   
  
It just ain't right  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Rory stood outside the school, looking around. Tristan's car was parked in the spot it always had been before he left, and people stared as they walked by, not willing to believe he was really back. She smirked and pulled out her phone, dialing his number.   
  
Tristan was standing in the middle of a large group surrounding his locker when his cell rang. He excused himself from the girl who was flirting with him and answered it, "Hello?"  
  
"Just to tell you, a group of Freshmen have surrounded your car and are staring at it in awe."  
  
"Well, I am a very awe inspiring person."  
  
"I'm sure. So, when do we do it?"  
  
"Where are you?"  
  
She pushed open the door, "The main entrance. You?"  
  
"My locker."  
  
"Number?"  
  
"1600"  
  
"Okay, I see a big group of people, but not you."  
  
Tristan looked up, towards the doors, "I see you."  
  
Rory looked until she met his eyes, "Me too."  
  
He smirked, "Showtime." and hung up, Rory did as well. She quickened her pace and Tristan turned back to the girl in front of him, flirting. She made her way through the crowd surrounding his locker and stood in front of him, her eyes glinting.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Oh when I don't know  
  
I don't know what he's after  
  
But he's so beautiful  
  
Such a beautiful disaster  
  
And if I could hold on  
  
Through the tears and the laughter  
  
Would it be beautiful?  
  
Or just a beautiful disaster  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
"Tristan Dugrey."  
  
"Lorelai Gilmore."  
  
"What the hell are you doing back?"  
  
"I couldn't stay away."  
  
She looked around at all the girls surrounding him, "Already back in the game? You don't waste any time, do you Dugrey?"  
  
"It's what I pride myself on."  
  
"I'm sure you do."  
  
"So, to what do I owe the pleasure?"  
  
"I just wanted to see if the rumors were true. I wanted to see for myself that the king was back."  
  
"In the flesh."  
  
"I would cry, but I think enough people already have."  
  
"You're that happy to see me Mary?"  
  
"Wrong again."  
  
"Am I?"  
  
"Yes. I'm not in the least bit happy to see you."  
  
"And why is that?"  
  
"You tend to annoy me."  
  
"Do I?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I'm sorry." he said sarcastically.  
  
"No you're not."  
  
"You're right."  
  
"Go to hell."  
  
"I'll see you there."  
  
"I'm sure you will."  
  
"Because we all know you're not that much of a Mary, don't we?"  
  
"Fuck you."  
  
"When, where, and how hard?"  
  
"As hard as you can take it."  
  
"Really now?"  
  
"Really really."  
  
"Can't wait."  
  
"But you'll have to, because you still have to get your head out of your ass."  
  
Tristan put a hand on his heart in mock hurt as Rory walked away, "You wound me, Mary!" he called after her. She ignored him and kept going. People exchanged tense glances until Tristan turned to the girl beside him and continued talking.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
His magical myth  
  
As strong as with I believe  
  
A tragedy with  
  
More damage than a soul should see  
  
And do I try to change him  
  
So hard not to blame him  
  
Hold on tight  
  
Hold on tight  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
Rory looked at her face in the deserted bathroom's mirror as Paris walked in, "Care to explain?"  
  
"Explain what?"  
  
"What the hell happened between you and Tristan."  
  
"Oh. That."  
  
"Yeah, that."  
  
"That was nothing."  
  
"Bull shit."  
  
"What?"  
  
"He's been here all of five minuets, and you've already had a fight with him. Just like the one before he left. I already know he called you, so tell me the truth."  
  
"That is the truth. It was nothing."  
  
"What do you mean it was nothing?"  
  
"I mean, it wasn't real."  
  
"Whoa, what?"  
  
"It wasn't a real fight."  
  
"How was that not a real fight?"  
  
"His father won't let him come near me, and Tristan won't listen, so we came up with this."  
  
"Came up with what?"  
  
"We're going to make every one think we hate each other."  
  
"And..."  
  
"I dunno, I guess, we'll just date in secret or something."  
  
"Do you have any idea how hard that will be? People will suspect something if he's not a player."  
  
"We thought of that."  
  
"And?"  
  
"He's still going to be a player."  
  
"He what?!"  
  
"He's going to keep everyone thinking he's a player."  
  
"And you're okay with this?"  
  
"He's not going to do anything with them. Just flirt and stuff."  
  
"And you really think this'll work?" Paris asked. The door opened and a few girls walked in, stopping when they saw Rory.   
  
She looked at Paris, "It has to." and walked out.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Oh cause I don't know  
  
I don't know what he's after  
  
But he's so beautiful  
  
Such a beautiful disaster  
  
And if I could hold on  
  
Through the tears and the laughter  
  
Would it be beautiful?   
  
Or just a beautiful disaster  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
At lunch, Rory sat at the same table as Tristan, but not near him, and she didn't once look at him. Madeline and Henry were on either side of her, carrying on normal conversation. She stood up, "I have to go to the library. I'll see you guys later." every one said bye in unison, all except for Tristan, who didn't even look at her. She 'accidentally' hit him in the back of the head on her way to the door.   
  
Brad, Tristan's best friend, laughed, "What happened to you two?"  
  
"She's turned into a bitch, that's all I know."  
  
"She has not turned into a bitch." Paris said defensively. And when Tristan's eyes met hers, he could tell she knew.  
  
"Speak for yourself."  
  
"You haven't been here, how would you know?"  
  
Tristan stared at her, hoping she knew he didn't mean anything he said about Rory, "You know what? I'm gonna go, see ya later Paris, I love you too." Tristan stood up and walked out of the cafeteria.   
  
Paris stormed out. She knew he didn't mean it, but that didn't stop her from being mad. She decided that she'd have to brush off everything he said and would say, for Rory's sake.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I'm longing for love and the logical  
  
But he's only happy hysterical  
  
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle  
  
Waited so long  
  
So long ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
Rory walked around the school, there was still twenty minuets left in lunch, and she desperately needed to calm her nerves. But she was pulled out of herself as someone pulled her into an empty classroom. She spun around to see Tristan. She smiled, "Hey."  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Well, I have to say, your plan worked perfectly. I bow down to the king of scams." she curtsied.  
  
He smirked, "I can think of something I'd much rather have."  
  
"Can you?" she asked, smiling.  
  
"Mm-hm." he leaned down, capturing her lips in a slow kiss. He broke away after only a moment, "Hey, about your earlier offer-"  
  
"Tristan, if you want to get any further in life, you won't finish that sentence."  
  
"But I really would-" she cut him off by kissing him again. They were playing with fire, and both knew it. They were taking on Arthur Dugrey, who was not someone to be tampered with. But Tristan didn't seem to care, and all rational thought flew from her mind as he wrapped his arms around her waist and backed her into the closed door.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He's soft to the touch  
  
But afraid at the end he breaks  
  
He's never enough  
  
And still leaves more than I can take  
  
Oh cause I don't know  
  
I don't know what he's after  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
Rory looked around the large house, feeling uncomfortable. She was at the Dugrey's mansion, for Tristan's coming home party. She couldn't figure out why she was invited, but by the looks of it, everyone in the Hartford socialite circle had been, meaning her grandparents, mother, father, and sadly, herself. She was sitting on an uncomfortable straight backed chair silently. She stood up after ten minuets of being ignored and walked around trying to find someone to talk to.   
  
She bumped into someone, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't'-" she stopped after realizing who it was.  
  
"Rory, how...nice to see you." Mrs. Dugrey said, obviously surprised.  
  
"Mrs. Dugrey." Rory nodded.  
  
The stood in a tense silence for a moment, until Tristan's mother finally said, "Rory, I just want you to know, we did what we thought was best for Tristan."  
  
"I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"Not letting him talk to you. I've heard about what happened at school today, and I'm sure it was hard for you to come here today."  
  
"Right." Rory nodded.  
  
"It's just- look, it's not that we don't like you. We just think it would be best for Tristan if you two took a break."  
  
Rory looked down momentarily and then looked back up, "Mrs. Dugrey, not to be rude, but Tristan was my best friend, and he means a lot to me, so I'm going to tell you what he can't. The reason Tristan did what he did, was because the only person he thought loved him had just died. He doesn't know that you and your husband love him. He thinks you don't care about him. I've tried telling him that you do, but he won't listen. It doesn't matter to him anymore. Cecilia," she said, not feeling any respect for the woman, "Your son is suffocating because of the shell you put him in yourself, and I've tried, but I can't save him. He's tired, and the person that you used to know doesn't exist anymore. You may complain that he's just a teenager going through a phase, but he's not. He's dying and he's changing so much, that he's become a completely different person. And no offense, but, your son has gotten to the point where, he doesn't even care if you love him. It doesn't matter, and you did that yourself. I'm not going to go against your wishes. I won't talk to Tristan at school and I won't be friends with him. But you seriously need to do something, or you'll lose him forever." she looked in indifference as the woman's face changed, "That's the way it is. I'm sorry." she added as an afterthought at Cecilia Dugrey's crushed face. "I have to go." she walked away, leaving the woman to regain her composure.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
But he's so beautiful  
  
Such a beautiful disaster  
  
And if I could hold on   
  
Through the tears and the laughter  
  
Would it be beautiful?  
  
Or just a beautiful disaster  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
Rory walked to the second story of the house, very few people were up here. She smiled upon hearing music from Tristan's room. Her fist raised to knock on the door, but before it could make contact with the wood, the door opened, revealing a smiling Tristan. "Hey." he kissed her lightly.   
  
She smiled, "Hey." he opened the door wider and led her in. She looked around, before turning to him. He held her hand and pulled her close, kissing her temple lightly. She closed her eyes and inhaled his scent, her head resting on his shoulder. "I didn't know it was like this." she whispered.  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Your life, all these parties and..." she trailed off, "Nothingness, almost."  
  
He nodded, "Not many people do."  
  
She looked up at him, "Well, I mean- I knew it was like this, but I didn't know it was just so-"   
  
"Shh." he cut her off, "I know."  
  
"I'm sorry." she laid her head back on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his waist, under his tux jacket.   
  
"Don't be," he touched her face gently, leaning in, right before their lips met, he whispered, "If I didn't live this kind of life, I never would have clung to you like I did." and he closed the remaining space between their lips, and all she could do was think to herself. She couldn't save him from his cold world by herself, and she couldn't decide if she was doing the right think by getting attached to him. He was either the best thing that could happen to her, or this was a mistake. He could either be her angel, or a disaster. She just couldn't figure out which one it was.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He's beautiful  
  
Such a beautiful disaster  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: So, I finally updated after more than three months. Review and tell me if I should continue. If not many people review this chapter, I'm not going to keep writing it because not that many people have reviewed so, yeah, tell me if you think it still has potential or if it's just dead. 


	8. These Walls

The song is _'These Walls'_ by Trapt, so I obviously don't own it. 

**Something missing **

**Left behind **

**Search in circles **

**Every time I try **

**I've been here before **

**I've seen you before**

Rory glanced at her mother across the table on Friday, all four Gilmores were silent. Forks scraping were the only sound in the otherwise tense silence. Emily looked up from her plate and set her fork down, "What in God's name has gotten into you two?" she asked.

Lorelai and Rory looked up, "What?"

"You two are completely silent. I've never seen you silent, Lorelai. I would have loved to have a little of it while you were growing up. But now we're grown woman and you have nothing to say to your parents and daughter."

"I have a cold." she said, sniffling for effect. She sniffed harder and looked at Rory for support.

"Yeah," Rory nodded, "It's really....bad?" she said uncertainly. Emily nodded, unconvinced, and looked back to her plate.

Lorelai looked at her daughter in disbelief, silently asking if that was the best she could do. Rory shrugged. "Yes. I even had to take a day off work." Lorelai added, trying to keep the conversation going.

Emily looked up at them lazily, "Oh, really?"

"Yes. I had to call her every two hours....from school.....to make sure she was okay."

"Yeah. And she got really annoying around the third time." Lorelai said, "I almost took my foot to the phone." she said, laughing slightly. Emily just looked up at her unamused, "You know, Elvis put his foot through the T.V.-"

"Yes, Lorelai, I'm very aware of where you got that comment from."

"Oh, yeah, okay. Just making sure."

"Well thank you for being so considerate."

She looked back down at her plate, "Yeah. You're welcome." Lorelai glanced up at Rory, who was grinning. She smiled as well, hitting Rory's feet with her own under the table. Emily just rolled her eyes.

**I can't escape **

**Walking down these halls **

**Hard to find a place **

**Where there are no walls **

**And no lines begging me to cross **

**Only straight ahead **

**Better move along**

CHILTON, MONDAY

Rory closed her eyes, looking away from Tristan's locker, where he was shamelessly flirting with Summer. Her eyes opened again, but they were still there. As if he could feel her eyes on him, he looked up, their eyes meeting. He looked back down after a moment, and she turned to Louise, who was standing beside her. "What?" Rory asked, missing what her friend had said.

"I said, I still can't believe he's back. And with Summer." her nose crinkled, "The girl is disgusting."

Rory laughed, "Tell me about it. She's totally throwing herself at him."

"Yeah. He has no taste if he goes for her. Of course he has to have some taste considering he was insanely in love with you before he got sent away."

"He was not."

"Yeah, he was. You're just blind."

Rory rolled her eyes, grinning, "Not blind. Just cautious."

Louise's jaw dropped, "You knew!"

Rory smiled and turned, walking away. Louise followed, "You knew he was in love with you the whole time!" she said, grinning.

Rory shrugged, "Not love. Like."

Louise smiled, "So if you knew he liked you and obviously still does, and you like him-"

Rory spun on her heel, "I never said that I liked him."

"You didn't have to. It's obvious from the way you were glaring at Summer. Anyway, if you two like each other then why are you letting all those girls hang all over him?"

"I don't LIKE Tristan." technically, that wasn't a lie. She was pretty much in love with him. "Besides, even if anything could happen, his parents have forbidden him from being around me."

Louise snorted, "I've known Tristan for a long time. And I've known you for years. Before he left you two were like, Bonnie and Clyde, or Kurt and Courtney, but not so drugged out all the time. You did things no one else would have been able to get away with, and even if you did get caught,  
all evidence was gone. You were best friends, and you were totally obsessed with each other but neither of you ever made a move. And a few months can't have changed either of you that much. You never would have listened to his parents before. What's so different now?"

**Like clockwork **

**I commit the crime **

**I pretend to be**

**Everything they like **

**I've been here before **

**I've seen you before**

Rory smiled at her friend, "Louise, Tristan loves the game. Even if he'd been completely in love with me, he lives for being a bad ass. He won't change."

Louise looked at her friend sadly, "That doesn't upset you?"

Rory shook her head, "He's Tristan. I know him. I've always known him. I've always known that he'd stay the same."

"But-"

"No buts."

"You like him."

She shook her head, "I practically hate him, he's the same player he always was. Yeah, I did like him at one time, but then he decided to go and change all the rules. I don't feel the same anymore."

"But you could?"

Rory shook her head, "I don't think so."

"Why not?" she asked, exasperated.

"Because....he's Tristan. I just couldn't."

"Oh, I think you could."

"And why is that?"

"Because, like you said, he's Tristan."

"So?" Rory asked.

"So, he likes you and you like him. Eventually, it will work out."

She just rolled her eyes, "Whatever."

**I can't escape **

**Walking down these halls **

**Hard to find a place **

**Where there are no walls **

**And no lines **

**Begging me to cross **

**Only straight ahead **

**Better move along**

LUNCH

Rory sat down at the only available seat, right next to Tristan. She rolled her eyes, turning away from him. "Aw, Mary doesn't want to talk to me?" he said playfully.

"No, I don't." she turned around to look at him, "And the name is Rory."

He smirked, leaning in, "Oh yeah, I remember. I've screamed it enough."

"In your dreams."

"Every night and day."

"Well carry on, because it's never going to happen."

"Thanks for your permission." She rolled her eyes, turning back to Paris, who was on her other side. Tristan sighed, "Fine don't talk to me." he turned to Madeline, who was in front of him, and smiled charmingly, "Hey Maddy."

She laughed, "Hey Tris."

"Rory doesn't want to talk to me."

"I'm sorry."

"She's hurting my self esteem."

"I'm sure you'll feel better."

He shook his head, "I feel so sad and unloved."

Rory turned, "If you're trying to make me feel bad then it's not working."

"Then why did you turn around?" he asked smugly.

"Because, while you aren't making me feel bad, you ARE annoying."

"Then my task in life is complete. I can die in peace now."

"So go do it, and I hope you have fun."

"Ha, good thing I don't give into peer pressure."

"We all just wish you did."

"Ouch, how can someone so pretty be so mean?"

"Well, if I'm around you long enough, I just pick up on it."

He grinned, "Damn skippy."

Rory laughed, rolling her eyes, "You're such a loser."

**And I'd trade **

**Everything for this **

**And I'd trade **

**Everything for this **

**Why do I read **

**The writing on the wall **

**Why do I read **

**The writing on the wall**

In the halls after lunch, Rory was walking with Paris, trying to figure out what they'd do that weekend. She felt her breath catch in her throat when they passed Summer's locker, and Tristan was pressing her against it. He glanced over at them and turned back to Summer, his face millimeters away, not kissing her, but making it seem as if he would at any moment, and it was obvious Summer thought he would. Rory got a disgusted look on her face, and Tristan could tell she wasn't just acting.

She turned away, and he felt a burning in his stomach, hating that he was doing this to her, but if he didn't act like this, people would know something was wrong. But, damn. What he'd give to make it so that Rory was in front of him and not Summer. That was what he really wanted, and he hoped that she knew it. But later he'd make it perfectly clear to her that she was the one he wanted, the only one.

Rory looked back at Paris, "You know what? I don't care."

"What?" Paris asked, stopping what she was saying.

"I don't care anymore. I can't handle this."

Paris glanced over at Tristan and nodded, pulling Rory into a bathroom and, seeing that there were two Sophomores in it, shooed them out. She leaned against the counter, "Now, tell me what's wrong."

"I can't watch him maul other girls in the hall. I can't, Paris, sorry."

She shrugged, "You don't have to apologize to me. But he might be a little harder to convince that it won't work."

Rory looked out the window, "Yeah, I know. I just wish it wasn't so hard."

Paris looked down, "Yeah. This sucks for both of you."

**I won't loose my place in line **

**I've been here too long **

**And I've spent too much time **

**Something missing **

**Left behind **

**Search in circles every time I try **

**I've been here before **

**I've seen you before**

AFTER SCHOOL

Rory walked out of the 'Franklin' staff room with Paris after their meeting, "So I'm covering music and that teacher from Princeton that's coming to do a class on Mark Twain, right?"

"Yeah. And they're do in like, two weeks."

She nodded, "Sure. I can do that."

"So, am I giving you a ride home?" her friend asked as they made their way in the direction of the deserted parking lot. They were the last two people left.

"I'll love you fore-" she was cut off mid sentence as someone grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to him tightly. She looked up to see Tristan had been leaning against the wall, blocked from view by the double doorway. She smiled lightly, "Hey."

Tristan grinned, "Hey." he turned to Paris, "I can give her a ride home."

She rolled her eyes, "I swear, you two are just begging to get caught." although she knew they wouldn't listen as she stormed off.

Rory turned back to Tristan, opening her mouth to say something, but before she could start, he captured her lips in a slow kiss.

**I can't escape **

**Walking down these halls **

**Hard to find a place **

**Where there are no walls **

**And no lines begging me to cross **

**Only straight ahead better move along **

**And I'd trade everything for this **

**Why do I read the writing on the wall**


End file.
